The Beautiful Groan

So the protracted first knockout stage of the Champions League is finally over, and we’re down to eight teams. Somewhat surprisingly, there is quite a spread of nations represented in the quarter-finals, and for the first time in a few years, only two Premiership clubs remain in the competition.

Everyone has their opinion on who we want to face, and who we want to avoid, but the mantra of ‘there are no easy ties’ rings true at this stage – I can pick out a reason why every opponent is dangerous.

What is certain is that no matter who we face, the press will have plenty of stories at their disposal. We may draw United, in a clash of the two remaining English sides, or Barcelona, in a repeat of the 2006 final. Bordeaux would see us face Chamakh (a clash I’d rather avoid because of the tedious nature of that link), Inter would give Wenger the chance to finally beat Mourinho, while CSKA Moscow would be a familiar opponent for Arshavin.

But for me, the two most interesting ties are the remaining pair – Bayern Munich and Lyon. We have history with Bayern – they knocked us out in 2005, and gave us trouble in a group stage back in 2000/1, coming back from two goals down to draw at Highbury. Coincidentally, Lyon were also in that group, and to my knowledge that was the only time we’ve ever played them in a competitive match. A hunch says we’ll be getting one of those two.

And for who we want – Bayern and Lyon are certainly two of the sides we’d be confident of beating, while Moscow are friendlier now that their winter is over (although their plastic pitch would be awkward). Inter are beatable provided you have a strong referee, but the performance of Messi last night makes me worry about two legs against Barcelona.

But in reality, I just hope we don’t draw United. Not because I think we should fear them, but the whole fun of European competition is playing sides you are less familiar with. Personally, I’d take Bayern – a good team steeped in history, with star players, but a team you’d be confident of beating. That’s my pick, but we’ll find out more tomorrow.

In the meantime, we have the Premiership to concern ourselves with, and a weekend that may be looked back on as defining. United face a wounded Liverpool side who have Gerrard inexplicably available despite his near-assault on Brown last weekend, but it is Chelsea who face perhaps the biggest banana skin with a trip to a Blackburn side who have won their last four home games and are fresh and rested.

Either could drop points, and it is imperative that we take advantage if they do. West Ham have a decent record against us in recent seasons, although they haven’t won away from home since the opening day of the season. Three points are to be expected if we are to apply more pressure on the top two.

Cesc looks ready to return, and Song will also bolster the midfield following his two match ban. The bigger concern is Gallas, whose calf injury was described by Wenger as ‘endless’. I have to say I’m worried by the possibility that we won’t see him in an Arsenal shirt again, and more pertinently that his backup may cost us vital goals between now and the end of the season. Campbell has impressed, but can be exposed by pace, and his understandable fitness issues mean that Silvestre will feature far more than any of us is comfortable with.

Incidentally, this will be the first time Campbell has faced West Ham since that infamous walk out.

Unusually, we play first this weekend, and a win would put us top of the league, albeit temporarily. And if we did win, I’d bet than one of United or Chelsea would fail to climb back above us on the Sunday.

Until tomorrow.

Something has been puzzling me ever since Hull were awarded a penalty on Saturday. Not whether it should have been awarded, or whether it was a goalscoring opportunity or not, but something else.

Having decided that it was not a goalscoring opportunity (which the referee has since said was his reasoning), why was Sol Campbell booked?

When keepers take down attackers who are running away from goal, they are booked. When referees decide that players have not prevented an ‘obvious goalscoring opportunity’, but there is still a decent chance, they sometimes still book them instead of showing the red card. And having come to the same conclusion, Andre Marriner took the same action on Saturday.

Here’s the kicker: there is no such cautionable offence as ‘well, it was almost a goalscoring opportunity, but it wasn’t quite, so I’m going for yellow instead of red’. Unless there is some other reason for a yellow card to come out, the referee has a black and white decision to make – was it an obvious goalscoring opportunity? If yes, red card, or if not, no card at all.

It has become accepted in these instances that the yellow card is given, but let’s look at the rules to see what offences can cause that punishment:

Unsporting behaviour – given for wild fouls and cynical, deliberate fouls. Sol’s was neither – he brushed the player.
Dissent – nope. He was pretty restrained given how incorrect the decision was.
Persistent infringement - no. It was his first foul.
Delaying the restart – no.
Failure to respect restart distance - used for encroachment at a free kick. That’ll be a no, then.
Leaving/entering the field without permission – no.

No mention anywhere of a ‘nearly goalscoring opportunity’, you’ll note.

Just to be clear, I’m not just referring to Saturday’s incident. Time and time again, at all levels of football, players are booked when a referee doesn’t feel the chance was quite good enough to show the red. Keepers in particular barely ever commit a foul without receiving a card.

But there is no rule to back this up. There is no reason for a referee to caution these players, so it is bizarre that it has become such accepted practice. A bit like flashing cards in the last ten minutes for identical challenges to those that went unpunished in the first ten.

Can anyone enlighten me on this?

Hull 1 (Bullard pen 28) Arsenal 2 (Arshavin 14, Bendtner 90)
(Premiership)

When you play a side as dislikable as Hull, with a manager like Phil Brown, the default position is to wish for an absolute hammering, to send them back with their tails between their legs. But sometimes, it is equally satisfying to see them denied a point at the last, after a display littered with cynical, cheap and sometimes nasty fouls.

The game was almost up - Hull had defended a succession of corners with relative ease before, in an apparent act of desperation, Denilson lined one up from 35 yards. When we saw it arrowing straight at the keeper, our heads collectively dropped. But Myhill, usually so impressive, inexplicably parried it straight back into play, and Bendtner gratefully tucked away the winner. It was a gift, and rarely has one been more important.

We had looked in complete control in the early stages, Arshavin finishing coolly after dancing past two non-challenges, but with Hull completely deflated they were awarded an undeserved lifeline when Vennegoor of Hesselink was bundled over by Campbell in the box. The only reason Sol had allowed the Dutchman goalside of him was that he was playing him comfortably offside. But the linesman, who was in the perfect position, inexplicably failed to flag, and Bullard slammed home the penalty. Hull’s spirits were raised, and they reverted to type – rotational fouling in the centre of the park and a series of ugly lunges.

That they were allowed to play that ’style’ was entirely the fault of Andre Marriner, who failed to retain any semblance of control on the game, and whose persistent lack of action against the Hull players encouraged them into ever more dangerous challenges.

In a way, I don’t blame the players. If you knew a referee wouldn’t penalise you for handling on your own goal line, you’d be tempted to stretch that arm out to block a goalbound shot. Similarly, if the referee is unwilling to punish a sequence of repeated fouls, then you will continue to commit them in comfort.

And it transpired that way. In one first half incident, Fagan had Sagna in a headlock, off the ball, and dragged him to the ground, a stupid and intentional foul that should have resulted in a yellow card. He was warned. In the five minutes that followed, he was given another two ‘final warnings’, and ended the match without a card to his name.

But the incompetence did not stop there. Aside from his complete inability to apply the advantage rule, Marriner was seen time and time again letting players off with poor challenges. Dawson was the first to be booked and could have been sent off for a wild two-footed lunge, while in the same moments, Boateng was first poking Bendtner in the eye and then slapping him. Boateng was only booked for what is a mandatory sending off, and strangely, the Dane picked up the same punishment, despite doing absolutely nothing.

By half time, Boateng had helped eradicate Marriner’s mistake by putting his studs through Sagna’s knee and picking up a second yellow card - a shocking challenge that should have resulted in a straight red.

The mood was dark at the break, not helped by the snide and frankly unprofessional coverage dealt out by ESPN. I had only previously heard talk about the depths of punditry they plumb, but I have a free month of the channel and was finally directly exposed. Suffice to say that when the trial period is over, I won’t be subscribing.

Jon Champion is an awful commentator. There, I said it. He spent a full ten minutes after the penalty trying to get anyone who would listen to agree with him that Campbell should have been sent off, blissfully ignoring the fact that the penalty should not have been awarded in the first place. His co-commentator, and the panel of Keegan and Leboeuf all disagreed, but it didn’t stop him.

In the second half, Campbell put in a terrific tackle on Zayatte, a powerful but safe (legs were on the ground) challenge which won the ball. Again, Champion started a one-man campaign that Sol should have been dismissed. Again, Leboeuf and Keegan pointed out the obvious - it was a fair challenge, and you don’t tend to get in trouble for those. Undeterred, he continued, frantically insisting that Wenger would not be jumping up and down about that particular tackle, unlike the Shawcross equivalent.

Of course he wouldn’t, Jon, because it was legal, fair and safe. No comparisons can be made, and if you think they can, you are in the wrong profession. You moron.

At that point, I muted the television, and despite our struggles as time ticked away, I found it far more relaxing that listening to a wind-up merchant promoting his own slanted agenda.

No matter. Thanks to Denilson’s speculation, Myhill’s blunder, and Bendtner’s persistence, we took home the points. When you consider that we are missing a host of players (some who will return soon), Hull did not play a game midweek, and we have a completely useless referee, you realise that the manner of the points matters little. This was one of our big tests, and we’ve passed it.

United are likely to breeze past Fulham tomorrow, so it will be as you were at the top. But next weekend, we have West Ham at home, Chelsea travel to Blackburn just days after their Champions League encounter with Mourinho’s Inter, and United face Liverpool.

It was important not to lose ground today, so that we can capitalise if our rivals slip up next week.

Mission accomplished. Oh, and enjoy the Championship, Hull.

You have to feel sorry for Cesc Fabregas. Falsely accused of spitting at Hull’s assistant manager, Brian Horton, after the two clubs met in the FA Cup almost exactly a year ago - an incident that initially ‘happened’ on the touchline before being hastily moved to the tunnel when Phil Brown realised how easily the Sky cameras would expose his lies – he has been forced out every time the two have clashed since.

Having been criticised for everything from his demeanour to his attire in that fixture, he was injured for the 3-0 victory at the Emirates back in December, a match memorable for the entertaining chants being aimed at the Hull management pair, as described by ‘holic at the time.

With the Tigers in such a perilous position at the foot of the table, this may be the last chance to play them for a while, but it looks almost certain that Cesc will again miss the fixture with his hamstring injury. We should have enough to dispatch them regardless, but the captain would have been chomping at the bit to play.

Nasri will continue to deputise, and he has been nothing short of a revelation in the last couple of games. In fact, my bet of the day selection was simple this week – Sportingbet are offering 8/1 on the Frenchman opening the scoring tomorrow night, and given how involved he is in our attacks at present, that seems very generous. Alternatively, 13/5 on him scoring at anytime are also decent odds. I’m on a bit of a streak with these tips, let’s hope that continues.

Song will be missing from the midfield with the completion of his two match suspension, so Denilson gets another chance to impress, while Silvestre is likely to come in for Campbell, who is probably unable to play again so soon after the Champions League game. The only other doubts are Rosicky and Sagna, but we have ready made replacements in Walcott and Eboue, and rotation was likely anyway.

Hull might be without Stephen Hunt, which will be a great relief to Almunia, and have problems of their own after Barmby and Bullard clashed the day after the 5-1 mauling by Everton. But they will be fighting for their lives and have shown in bursts that they can be dangerous, drawing with Chelsea and beating City in recent weeks.

The match is on ESPN, and quite handily, Sky have given me a month’s free subscription to the channel. On the down side, I’ve seen some of their coverage, and it would be fair to say I won’t be paying much attention to their ‘analysis’. In fact, it is a distinct possibility that I’ll be reaching for the mute button.

What we must not do is underestimate Hull. Chelsea and United have home fixtures against West Ham and Fulham respectively, and will surely claim three points each. If we can keep up with them, we could take advantage next weekend when both face tougher challenges. United face Liverpool, while Chelsea travel to Blackburn just days after their rematch with Mourinho.

If the table looks the same on Monday, I’ll be happy. Nine games to go, and hopefully this is the last one Cesc will miss. Do it for him.

Enjoy the game.

Arsenal 5 (Bendtner 10, 25, pen 90, Nasri 63, Eboue 66) Porto 0
(Champions League 1st Knockout Round, agg 6-2)

How quickly fortunes can change. Three days after missing a host of chances against Burnley, Nicklas Bendtner performed like a complete centre forward – dominant in the air, leading the line well, and ending the game with the first hattrick of his fledgling career.

If Saturday was playing on his mind, it didn’t take long for those memories to be wiped clean. After an inauspicious start, Almunia’s long ball found Arshavin, who was retreating from an offside position. If the Porto management blame that for the goal, they will be missing the critical fact that the Russian then won a header against their centre back despite giving up nearly a foot in height. Nasri played a through ball back to him, defender and keeper collided, and Bendtner reacted quickest to level the tie.

It wasn’t the first header Arshavin had won – he had already forced a good save at the far post, and the space he was being afforded was almost embarrassing given the supposed strength of the Champions League. Minutes later, he whipped in a terrific cross that Bendtner just failed to connect with, but on 25 minutes, the pair did combine for the second.

Arshavin was again the creator, showing great trickery to turn three defenders inside out, but Porto fans will be rightly laying into their men for failing to put in any sort of challenge. It was almost as if they didn’t believe Arshavin had the skill to get past them – he did, he squared it, and Bendtner tapped in for 2-0.

It should have been three soon after – Arshavin blazing over an empty net following a Nasri cutback, and Diaby having a header superbly saved, but at the other end Porto were threatening. Sol was looking shaky, Clichy had a couple of dodgy moments, and you felt we needed the third to seal the tie.

The nerves began in the stands, but spread to the players at the start of the second half. Falcao hit a decent chance straight at Almunia, and Nasri blocked a header on the line. We needed respite, we needed someone to provide a little spark to put our minds at rest.

Cue Samir Nasri. Picking up the ball on the right hand side, he went out to the wing before cutting back inside. With three defenders in front of him, he seemed to be heading down a blind alley, but quick feet saw each of them bamboozled in turn, before he lashed an unstoppable shot in off the post. Miserable defending once again, but it was a moment of true magic from the man stepping into Cesc’s shoes for the evening. He filled them perfectly.

Samir Nasri celebrates his wonder goal

With that, we relaxed, but there was more to come. Just a couple of minutes later it was four, with a counter attacking goal the Invincibles would have been proud off. From a Porto corner, Arshavin broke away, sprinted past two men, before slipping in Eboue with a perfectly timed pass. The Ivorian rounded the keeper and finished coolly.

The tie was over, but the icing on the cake was still to come – Eboue was clumsily brought down after twisting into the box, and Bendtner dispatched the resultant penalty to cap a perfect night.

The Dane will get the plaudits, and rightly so – lambasted for his apparent over-confidence, his strength of character was needed to stand up in the face of intense criticism and prove his doubters wrong. He was terrific all night, but for me, there were three others who stood out even more.

At the back, Vermaelen was an absolute rock, putting in block after block to protect the clean sheet as if his life depended on it. We looked nervous in the early stages of the second half, in the knowledge that the 2-0 lead was not as safe as it sounded, but while Sol was edgy and Clichy error-prone, Vermaelen was the picture of determination. Even at the end, with the tie won, he was still flying into tackles, unwilling to concede a millimetre. Signing of the season?

Then there was the little Russian, who picked up three assists and left the Porto defence dizzy with some dazzling footwork. He may not have scored himself, but it was his early work that set us down the right path. He played us into trouble at times with risky passes, but when you have someone who can frighten opposition as he can, you have to take the rough with the smooth. He was excellent tonight.

But my man of the match was Samir Nasri. Entrusted with the Cesc role, he put in a defensive shift where necessary, drove the team forward, and scored the third goal precisely when we needed it. It seemed everything we did went through him, and the way he pulled the strings made you wonder if he’d taken on Cesc’s captaincy mantle at the same time. Almunia might have been wearing the armband, but Nasri was in charge.

There was other good displays – Song and Diaby in particular, and while there are still worries about our defensive stability with Sol or Silvestre in the side, tonight was proof once again that going forward, no-one can touch us. Porto are not an elite team, but they are better than we allowed them to be tonight.

It is natural to hope we avoid Premiership opposition in the next round, although it was interesting to hear Wenger say he would quite like to face United or Chelsea to prove that we can beat them. It is an interesting thought. But having seen Bayern progress tonight, they would be far more favourable opposition, and it would feel like a true European tie.

But that can wait – the draw is not until the end of next week, after the protracted round is finally done and dusted. For now, we can bask in the glow of a stunning night’s work.

Take a bow, lads.