For many of us, the Monday morning trip to work sees us surrounded by fans of other clubs, eager to stick the knife in after what, from their point of view, was a hilarious afternoon of football. Judging by the response to last night’s blog, there are plenty reading this now desperate to make another joke at our expense. Before you do, however, consider the following….
- If you are a Spurs fan, gloat no more. Remember how you lot exited the Carling Cup? I know it was a while ago (you know, the early rounds), so let me refresh your memories. 4-1. At your place. And I can’t seem to find you in the FA Cup draw either. Once again a long way behind us in the league (oh, but this was going to be the season), and yes, your win in the San Siro was impressive but seriously, been there, done that, bought the 2008 shirt….
- If you are a Chelsea fan, gloat no more. You are also out of both cups, losing to sides no better than Birmingham, and are struggling to finish above Spurs. Yes, Spurs – what depths you plumb. You are setting a wonderful example of how to spend a fortune and yet go backwards, so thank you for demonstrating the logic behind Wenger’s policy so beautifully. And seriously, guns at work?
- If you are a Liverpool fan, gloat no more. Yesterday’s result was actually bad news for you. You see, sixth place no longer gives you a European spot – Birmingham have that now. Oh, and who knocked you out of the Carling Cup again? Oh yeah. Northampton. Nice one all round. Who are you blaming things on now that the board and manager have gone?
- If you are a United fan, gloat no more. You are having a fine season, I don’t debate it, but if I were you I’d keep the champagne on ice. Your week is incredibly tough (well, the trip to Chelsea is, Liverpool aren’t a huge challenge), and your run-in is far harder than ours. As for the Carling Cup, you lost 4-0 to West Ham, and while you rotated, so did they. And they are West Ham. See you in the FA Cup (hopefully). I wonder if Rooney will be there?
- If you are a Blackpool fan, you may gloat. But you won’t, because you have more class than that. You play great football, have an open and honest manager who makes intelligent sense, and stick to your principles no matter what. It is why we like you – not out of some ‘small club’ patronisation, but because we relate. Hope you stay up. And cheers for beating Spurs last week – save me a DVD.
- If you are a Birmingham fan, gloat no more. Just celebrate. Don’t do what Lee Bowyer did and rub an opponent’s nose in it. Seriously, who prioritises mocking an opponent over celebrating with your own? Enjoy your day, you don’t need to come after us to do so. Well played yesterday, you deserved it.
- If you are a City fan, gloat no more. Your football sends me to slee…..zzz.
- If you are a Villa fan, gloat no more. You won’t be hearing the last of this. Trust me, we know what it is like – Spurs occasionally win things too.
- If you are a Stoke fan, gloat no more. We know you hate us, Pulis is bordering on obssessed, so no doubt you enjoyed yesterday immensely. But this week, in order to wind us up, you sung the name of a man who shattered a young footballer’s leg. You’re probably reading this and thinking ‘yeah, so?’. Says it all.
- If you are an Arsenal fan, gloat no more. By this I mean the silent stalkers who say nothing in the good times but pounce on any defeat with glee. Where have you been for the last two and a half months of unbeaten league football before coming out of the woodwork to call for Wenger’s head last night? Where we you against Barcelona with your claims that we cannot defend? Don’t tell me you saw that goal coming – Koscielny and Szczesny have been two of our most consistent performers of late, both know how to defend, and it was simply a catastrophic error. As Goodplaya said on Twitter, it was Nayim-esque in its freakishness. But seriously, if you really are an Arsenal fan, support the team, rather than constantly tearing it down. Novel concept, I know.
If you are an Arsenal fan, I hope this cheered you up ever so slightly. We’re all gutted, we all know yesterday was a monumental cock up, the missing of a wonderful opportunity to shut people up and finally win something, but it hasn’t ended our season. We’ve got another cup tie in two days, we’re back to battling for the title with United and we take a lead to the Nou Camp next week. There is a way back from this.