The Beautiful Groan

I have been saying for some time that I believed Adebayor would be going nowhere this summer. This was based on two factors - Wenger being reluctant to sell, and Adebayor having more class that to leave at this point, realising that his future at Arsenal is exceptionally bright.

Unfortunately, it seems like I was wrong, and the Togolese frontman has succumbed to the greed that afflicts so many of his contemporaries. In an interview with the News of the World, he indicated that he has demanded a rise, and is threatening to leave if he does not get it:

“Yes, I am still under contract to Arsenal but it’s up to the directors to satisfy my demands or I’ll leave. People ask if I am asking for the same salary as Henry. That is not necessarily the question. But I am being considered a worthy replacement for Henry while not deserving his salary.”

The first line sums up what we already know - contracts are not worth the paper they are written on. By saying he has a contract but will leave anyway makes a mockery of the faith shown in him, and in fact the improved deal he received only a year ago.

But the comparisons to Henry are ridiculous. What Adebayor seems to have missed is that Henry was not paid huge sums after shining for one year, he got a series of rises throughout his time at the club, ending up with him becoming one of the best paid players in the country after years of great service. You simply cannot demand parity with that after one season, no matter how successful, and the comparison is an insult to his predecessor.

Barcelona have made him an ‘good financial offer’, so it is not inconceivable that he and Hleb may be moving to Spain in a joint deal similar to that of Overmars and Petit all those years ago. At the time, that seemed a disaster, but neither player shone again, and it is looked back on as one of the finest pieces of business Wenger has under his belt (along with Anelka’s enormous profit).

If Ade and Hleb go to Barca, it’ll probably be for around 35m between them, far more than was paid for them and in reality, a lot more than they’re worth. Hleb lacks the end product, and while Adebayor could turn out to be an absolute beast of a striker, imagine what his contract demands with be four years down the line? If his ego is already this inflated, perhaps a move away is exactly the reality check he needs. At Barca, he would be a long way from top dog.

No doubt his agents have had a great deal to do with this, planting seeds in his head that he is now bigger than the club, but if he leaves this way, not many will be wishing him the luck we afforded to Henry. It seems, in every way, he is lesser than the man he compares himself too.

Euro 2008 is coming up, and predictably, with England not in it, the spotlight has once again come down on the perceived lack of English players in the Premiership. In an article which shows just how statistics can be warped, the BBC claims a ‘dramatic slide’ in those available to Capello.

They begin the article with a graph, showing how the number of English starters has changed over the last eight years. Here it is:

Looks pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? Except when you look closely, you’ll notice that there only appears to be a big drop because of the scale used, with the number of players only ranging from 160 to 208 on the axis. I distinctly remember being taught at school that graphs should not be exaggerated in this way.

But let’s look at the numbers. Five years ago, the number of English starters was 179. This season, 170. Hardly a dramatic drop, nine players in five years. In fact, this year’s drop comes off the back of four years of climbing, despite what the Daily Mail would tell you about ‘forriners taking ah jobs’.

All this completely misses the point. 170 English players is plenty, Capello needs a small fraction of those. It doesn’t matter if there used to be 500 (there never were, incidentally), it isn’t the best players that are missing out, it is those that were never good enough to get near the national side anyway. Those that remain should benefit from playing with quality rather than substandard leftovers.

For England to be successful, the top twenty or so need to be of a high quality, and performing as a team. The former is aptly demonstrated by the fact that there were ten English players in the Champions League final, and the latter is Capello’s job.

There are no excuses. If England fail, it is not the fault of the clubs, it is the fault of the players (who are good enough), and the management team. No-one else.

Some of what Myles Palmer writes over at ANR makes a lot of sense. More often, what he writes is daft, inflammatory, aimed to provoke a reaction, which is then prevented by the blocking of comments.

I’m not one who generally has an axe to grind, but yesterday Myles went too far, in foisting his opinions on the rest of the Arsenal supporting community:

“If they [the board, and Wenger] get it wrong this summer they will not be playing to 60,000 people throughout  next season.  This is a massive summer because there’s a definite tide of opinion against Arsene now. Fans do not want to watch kids who cannot win trophies. They are tired of watching Eboue and Senderos, they rarely see Rosicky or Van Persie, and they realise that Walcott might never do what Ashley Young is doing at Aston Villa.”

You know what really winds me up? When people tell me what I believe, or what all of us believe. The fans I talk to are not the ‘fans’ Myles talks about here, aside from the dislike of Eboue. They are not fickle minded people who will stop going to games, fairweather supporters who will give up on the club, or, as he suggests later in the piece, people who believe that Wenger has taken the club as far as he can.

The ‘fans’ Myles seems to be talking about do not appear to be fans at all. They are probably those who would sell the club down the river for a couple of glamorous and destabilising signings. With every passing day, Myles appears more like one of these, and less like the Gooner he professes to be.

You simply cannot go around saying ‘Arsenal fans believe this, they will do this, they like player X, and can’t stand player Y’. You can say what you believe, but you can’t make sweeping and wildly inaccurate statements about the whole fanbase.

Especially as fans rarely agree on anything. Eboue seems to connect most, and his is the only name that makes sense in this spiel. Senderos divides opinion - personally, I think he was on a superb run of form before Toure came back from Ghana and took his place. We all know big Phil is a confidence player, so why do so many insist on having a pop at him?

Mentioning Rosicky and Van Persie is just an example of how Myles is trying to add credence to his argument. Rosicky had a perfectly reasonable injury record at Dortmund, while Van Persie had no injury history prior to his arrival. Both will have passed stringent medicals. I’m sure everyone is disappointed that they haven’t played more this season, but they are hardly about to stop supporting the team as a result, and as for blaming Wenger, by the same token should he be criticised for not seeing Eduardo’s leg break coming?

And that is exactly the point. I don’t know how fickle Myles Palmer thinks Arsenal fans are, thinking that the stadium will not be full next season without serious spending this summer, but there is a massive waiting list for season tickets, and no matter what the occasion the stadium is always rammed. Even Sunday’s dull end of season lunchtime game was a sellout.

And then you get lines like this:

“They [Arsenal fans] realise that Walcott might never do what Ashley Young is doing at Aston Villa.”

Ashley Young turns 23 this summer, and has only recently started to shine, while Walcott is still 19 and has already had an impact in the knockout stages of the Champions League. What’s more, I am yet to meet a Gooner who is not excited by Theo’s potential, and the player he could become.

Using him as an example of why Arsenal fans are getting disgruntled, to me, is ridiculous, but everyone’s entitled to their opinion. What I cannot stand is the blanket statement that all of us feel that way. We don’t. At least I don’t.

So Myles, feel free to voice your opinion with your typical tone of self importance. And if you want to, continue to prevent comments so that no-one is allowed to enter into a debate with you. But do not claim to speak for all Arsenal fans, because I can tell you right now that you do NOT speak for me.

Yes, I know it’s normally Groan’s 10. But there weren’t as many things that wound me up this week, okay?

1. Chelsea are in the final

It is a truly sickening sentence. They scratched around in a group containing the superpowers of Schalke and Rosenborg. They were poor against Valencia, who are 15th in La Liga. They made Olympiakos look half decent before losing to Fenerbahce. They deserved to lose the first leg of the semi final and didn’t deserve to win the second. And yet, despite all that, they’re in the bloody final.

2. Essien’s card waving

Last week it was Deco, this week Essien. After Carvalho had executed a perfect sliding tackle which took ball and then man, Essien ran full pelt over to the referee, brandishing an imaginary card and telling him to book Torres (I believe) for a non existent dive. The ref ignored him. Then Arbeloa came over to tell the ref to book Essien for telling him to book Torres, and received a yellow for his complaints. You’ve got the love the consistency.

3. Barcelona were rubbish

The United-Barca semi final was supposed to be a classic. But United didn’t play very well, and once they’d scored they realised that despite all the supposed attacking talent of their opposition, they were pretty toothless, Messi apart. So they double teamed Messi and killed the game. Nothing wrong with that, it was a good tactic. But Barcelona were simply awful at actually creating chances - they were like a worse version of the frustrating Arsenal play of last season - all the possession and no cutting edge.

4. Didier Drogba

He was in last week’s list, and he’s back for more. Benitez mentioned before the game that Drogba dives, which he does. But a note to Didier - you can’t score, run over to the Liverpool bench, pointedly do a celebratory dive in front of the opposing manager, and then accuse himof a lack of class after the game. Besides, Benitez was right to say what he said, he just got the timing all wrong. Wait until after the game to fire up your opposition’s top striker, you muppet.

5. It’s now all about United and Chelsea

If you arrived into the season at this point, you’d never know that anyone other that Chelsea or United ever had a chance of winning honours. It seems cruel that Arsenal contributed so much to this season and now have to watch as those two slug it out for the league and Champions League. Football is a game of such fine lines.

Silver lining - although it means supporting United for the next three games, we are left with the amusing possibility that Chelsea might win nothing, and come second in three trophies this season. That would actually be hilarious.

1. They were mind-numbingly dull.

We all knew Liverpool-Chelsea wasn’t going to be a classic, but even that snorefest produced more chances and goals than the complete non-event that was Barcelona-United. There was Ronaldo’s early penalty miss, and then there was…er…nothing. Yawn. I thought these were supposed to be two of Europe’s premier attacking teams?

2. None of the teams even looked that impressive

Liverpool never looked like scoring against Chelsea unless they made a horrible mistake (which they did), Chelsea never looked like scoring against Liverpool unless they made a horrible mistake (which they did), Barcelona never looked like scoring against United unless they made a horrible mistake (which they didn’t), and United never looked…..you get the picture.

3. Benitez’s reaction to the ref

“I was very disappointed with the officials. And it’s not the first time, it’s really disappointing.”

Said without a touch of irony, despite Liverpool’s last four Champions League games featuring a ludicrous red card for Materazzi, another harsh red card in the second leg, a penalty on Hleb that should’ve been given, and a penalty for Babel that shouldn’t.

And he’s moaning about the standard of refereeing in their matches? He knows that very standard may be the only reason they’re still in it, right?

4. Didier Drogba

I’d forgotten how utterly infuriating Drogba could be when he has one of his play acting days. Diving, throwing himself around at every opportunity, feigning injury, sulking, the works. Didier, you’re 6 ft 4, built, and you’re actually a good player when you set your mind to it. Grow up.

5. Cristiano Ronaldo

Almost the same, although he at least doesn’t sulk and stay out of the game as a result. He sulks and then gets back on with it. But he still seems to think the world is against him every time he doesn’t get the latest soft free kick he’s after, appealing to the ref as he’s going down (he does have an uncanny ability to tumble while looking straight at the official). He should’ve had a second penalty though.

6. The ITV commentary team’s blatant bias

We all know how one sided they can be when an English club is playing against continental opposition, but their pro-Liverpool commentary on Tuesday night was painful to listen to at times. Every time Drogba went down easily, they adamantly cried ‘he dived’, every time Torres or Gerrard did the same, they reluctantly conceded ‘there perhaps wasn’t that much in that’. The excitement was there to hear when Liverpool scored, the disappointment even more so when Chelsea equalised. Standards, people.

7. Deco and his imaginary card waving

Come on folks, I thought we’d cut this behaviour out long ago, as we don’t seem to see it so much these days. But it is still a mandatory yellow card, so why the ref only denied Deco’s requests rather than booking the little weasel, I’ll never know.

In fact, I don’t see any reason this shouldn’t become a red card offence, as it clear gross unsportsmanship. It isn’t like a dive, where the referee can get it wrong, there is simply no mistaking the act of waving the imaginary card, so no risk in increasing the punishment. Why not make it a sending off offence? Maybe they’d stop doing it.

8. Chelsea’s luck

They played appallingly for 94 minutes, and then with seconds left Riise decided to head a ball a few inches from the ground instead of hoofing it away with his foot, gifting them an away goal they never deserved. The thought of them winning the Champions League makes me want to be sick.

9. Samuel Eto’o

Was there a more disinterested player on the pitch last night? Strange to think so many want him to go to Arsenal, his laziness is surely not helping his popularity over in Barca.

10. Ferguson’s gum chewing

The Spanish coverage like their little montages, showing images of key players in turn, their emotions, and then cutting to the touchline to do the same with the managers. All very dramatic, until you see Ferguson and his masticated Wrigley’s, his red face chomping furiously on what must be at least two whole packets at once. Is there a more disgusting sight in football, now that Sam Allardyce is out of a job?

With domestic seasons coming to a close, champions being decided, and cups reaching that intense point where huge ties are unavoidable, players make that final push to ensure their club are the ones looking back in delight.

So why do we have meaningless international friendlies at this time of year? Players are exhausted, injuries are piling up, and if there is no midweek game, a valuable rest is well earned. Instead, those same players are asked to fly off somewhere, play a part in a match that no-one cares about, before resuming immediately when they get back.

With a summer tournament coming up, you would’ve thought the powers that be would want to keep as many players fit as possible, so why arrange these friendlies now? Any club can tell you how regularly players come back from them injured, and picking up niggles now can lead to the best players missing out entirely come the summer.

International friendlies as a whole are important, but as preparation and fact-finding so that the respective nations are ready for competitive fixtures. So why not get the domestic seasons done and then have a few friendlies in the summer? No-one is playing competitive football for the next two months so what does playing an extra friendly gain? Much better surely to wait until the summer, rule out those players who are injured, and then focus on what is in front of you.

It seems ridiculous to me. These games can come later. Scheduling international weeks in between two intense domestic weekends is daft. International weeks should be exactly that - no other football in the whole week, not the middle part of a three match sandwich lasting six days. Otherwise players will just burn out, and neither club or country wants their talents to keel over at this point.

In other news, it has been confirmed that Sagna will miss around three weeks with the ankle injury he picked up against Chelsea. There are two types of a ‘few weeks’ injury. The Alex Hleb version, where he returns a week later, and the Tomas Rosicky version, where he disappears off the radar for six weeks before telling every one how frustrated he is. You and us both, Tomas, but let’s hope Sagna’s injury falls into the former category.

There doesn’t appear to be any other injury news from last night, which is a relief, and Van Persie got some good match time for Holland. He is probably the only player to benefit from the internationals, with the possible exception of William Gallas, who was solid for France in the midst of the current witch hunt aimed at him.

Elsewhere, there are rumours that Cesc has split from his agent over the fact that Diaz spoke to Real Madrid last summer without the player’s say so. I’m not sure I give the reports credence yet, they’ve come from the Spanish press (El Mundo), on to the Mail, and have since been picked up by the Telegraph. No quotes, no evidence.

Roll on the weekend, because we need more domestic football to get us out of this slump. Ideally, we need to play a team we just can’t stand, one of those teams that you get intense pleasure from hammering. Given our form, it’d be even better if those opponents were playing really badly at the moment.

Ah, Bolton. Excellent.

Barcelona could be such a great club. Hordes of attacking talent, some of the best players in the world, and a style of football that at best is breathtaking.

But off the pitch, the are the most egotistical and arrogant club around. Barely a day goes by when they, and the Spanish media that the can control, don’t tap up one world star or another. We all know how tiresome it was with Henry, and as soon as he left we knew Cesc was their next target.

After numerous comments in the press about how he ‘had a responsibility’ to return, they finally seemed to have grasped the point - he is Arsenal through and through. But instead of reacting maturely, they’ve sunk to the level of a kid who isn’t invited to a friend’s birthday party, and retaliates. When asked whether Fabregas would be welcomed back, technical secretary Begiristain had this to say:

“There is always a risk when you decide to leave Barcelona and the fact is that he cannot return”

Has he given any indication of wanting to return? He left Barca, remember, joining a club who would play him regularly from a very young age. He signed an eight year deal which handed power to his employers and became a true Gooner. But that doesn’t stop the bitterness:

“He, as was hoped, would now be in the first team. Bojan is an example. He had faith and did not go to England.”

The bizarre thing is, this is all said as if Cesc is now likely to regret ever leaving Barcelona, as if he doesn’t realise the huge strides he’s made at Arsenal. Who knows how stunted his growth would’ve been if he’d stayed in Spain? Would they have played him at such a tender age? Yes, Bojan is 17, but has made largely substitute appearances for them, and will probably be restricted to just that for the next couple of years. At Arsenal, Vieira was sold and Cesc found himself the fulcrum of the midfield in his teens. Can anyone doubt how profoundly that has affected his career, how much more responsible and mature he is now because of that?

For that matter, does anyone even think of Cesc as a young footballer anymore? He is, after all, younger than players such as Nani and Babel, two of the league’s ‘up and coming starlets’.

Fabregas is an intelligent man, and he will know just how much he has gained from being at Arsenal, from playing as regularly as he has. For Barcelona to criticise him now is churlish - he owes them nothing. His career is far more advanced now than it would’ve been had he competed with Barcelona’s crowded midfield.

And the notion that they wouldn’t accept him back is laughable. Of course they would. He’s walk into any team in the world.

Birmingham 2 (McFadden 28, pen 90) Arsenal 2 (Walcott 50, 55)

There is only one place to start, and that it with Martin Taylor, a man who, according to manager Alex McLeish, ‘doesn’t have it in his make up to produce a malicious tackle‘, and ‘didn’t think he’d made a lot of contact‘ with Eduardo’s leg.

I beg to differ.

(A nod to both Arseblog and Gunnerblog for the image).

Watching it live, I wondered how dirty the challenge really was, as the Arsenal players didn’t seem to get overly angry. But within seconds, the reality was clear - one glance at Eduardo’s leg and there was only one focus of their worry. You only had to see the look on Adebayor or Fabregas’ face to see how shocked they were. By the time they’d stopped frantically beckoning for Gary Lewin, Taylor was down the tunnel.

The above image shows how indefensible the tackle is - over the top with only one possible outcome. If you want to see the end result, and I warn you in the strongest sense that you should only click this link if you have a particularly strong stomach, then look here - again thanks to Gunnerblog for the link.

Those who have seen the full extent of the injury now understand what I mean when I say his career is under threat.

Credit to the Birmingham fans at this point - at some clubs chants would’ve broken out against Arsenal and Eduardo, but they kept a respectful atmosphere, and then warmly applauded as the Croatian was stretchered to hospital.

For the rest of the first half, I found myself not caring about the match itself, a feeling that seemed to be present in the players too. Flamini conceded a soft free kick that McFadden superbly buried. Some say Almunia should’ve saved it, but to be honest he did well to get near it.

Our attacks were aimless, and understandably there was no bite or energy in the display. Half time was desperately needed. Whatever Wenger said during the break (and one suspects that it was along the lines of ‘win the match and then worry about him‘), it worked, with some sustained pressure forcing Taylor (the excellent keeper, rather than the dismissed and disgraced centre back) into good saves from Cesc and Hleb. Finally, Adebayor jumped above him, and Walcott prodded in the loose ball.

Theo is a man who relies entirely on confidence at this early stage of his career. Against Slavia earlier this season, he terrorised them after scoring his first goal, and today was the same, as he gave Murphy a torrid second half, after looking poor in the first. He also scored what should’ve been the winner, picking the ball up midway through the half, skipping past a couple of defenders and ignoring Bendtner’s excellent run to comprehensively bury the ball with his left foot. In the first half, he wouldn’t have taken the chance on.

At this point, a rousing rendition of ‘We’re gonna win for Eduardo’ went up around the stadium - wonderful stuff, but unfortunately, they were wrong.

Chances were made and missed for the rest of the half, with Adebayor particularly culpable. In a way, I’m glad his run of scoring in consecutive matches in now over, as he seemed obsessed with equalling Alan Smith’s record of eight league matches, consistently refusing to pass, most glaringly when Bendtner would’ve had a simple tap in to seal the match.

And for that, we were made to pay, but also thanks to an appalling refereeing decision. Clichy controlled the ball in the area, didn’t spot Parnaby, and took the time to look around for options. Suddenly aware of the winger’s presence, he made a last ditch tackle, and successfully got the ball, but Mike Dean pointed to the spot, and the points were shared.

But there was still time for one act of stupidity. Furious at the penalty, Gallas watched it from the Birmingham half, seemingly protesting. What if Almunia had saved it? The captain then got himself booked putting his studs through the advertising hoardings, before sullenly sitting on the pitch long after the other players had gone down the tunnel.

To me, he was being utterly stupid, and giving everyone a chance to claim that we’re imploding. There are more positive ways of channelling anger, and with his frustrated kick on Nani last week fresh in the memory, he is certainly not leading by example at the moment. As barely the only player in the squad with the experience of winning the Premiership, he needs to inspire. Sort it out William.

But back to Martin Taylor, who will now serve what is, in the context of things, a laughable three match suspension, while Eduardo suffers on the sidelines. Similar to when Dan Smith destroyed Abou Diaby’s ankle a couple of years ago, Wenger is understandably furious.

Eduardo’s season is over, his Euro 2008 dreams are over, and it seems likely his 2008 football days are over. And that’s being optimistic. His injury is up there with some of the worst we’ve seen, along with David Busst or more recently, Alan Smith. The former never came back, the latter took a year and a half and is not the player he was.

Martin Taylor, meanwhile, will be eligible to play two games in March.

It has irked me for a long time that dangerous tackles and violent conduct all receive the same mandatory three match ban. Pushing someone lightly in the face gets the same punishment as potentially ending another professional’s career. It must be looked at.

Because in cases like this, Taylor should be banned for a lot more than a pathetic three matches. It was a disgraceful challenge, and I only hope that Alex McLeish has more class than to defend his player once he’s seen the replays. It is utterly indefensible.

Eduardo, get well soon. Nothing else matters today.

Man Utd 4 (Rooney 15, Fletcher 19, 74, Nani 38) Arsenal 0

For the second time in a few short weeks, Arsenal have been humiliated and dumped out of a domestic competition. There were many (myself included) who thought that the 5-1 defeat at White Hart Lane would prove to be the low point of the season, but at least that day the team seemed to care. At least that day it was largely fringe players having a shocker. At least that day we didn’t have players only showing passion in petulance.

Yesterday was an absolute disaster, from start to finish. The first ten minutes were dull, as both sides started cautiously, but then United seemed to realise that they were quicker to every ball, and stepped up a gear. Rooney headed in the first when Hoyte should’ve done far better, and then Gallas and Cesc were particularly culpable in Fletcher adding number two. At that point, it was already game over.

With Cesc, Hleb, Gallas, Toure on the field, and finishing in the class of Eduardo available, this team is more than capable of coming back from two down, even at Old Trafford. But I defy you to find a Gooner who thought the match wasn’t over after twenty minutes. The reason was simple - there was a complete lack of fight from front to back. Players were ducking out of challenges, not using their body to turn the onrushing defenders and find themselves in the space behind them, and when they did get an inch, they passed to the opposition, without bothering to chase it down afterwards.

Only one man is exempt from that particular criticism, and that’s Jens Lehmann, who was professional, alert and frankly, kept the score from being doubled. But even his copybook is blotted by his abysmal distribution.

On the other end of the scale is a man who not many of us would miss if Wenger decided to get rid of him right now. With Nani scoring the third before half time, the second half was all about pride and fight, but Eboue took the situation and made it ten times worse, when he approached an aerial battle with Evra by lifting his leg and slamming his studs into Evra’s thigh, who was taken out in mid air. Eboue was rightly sent off.

There were so many things to be angry about in that instant. Only a few minutes had passed in the second half, and we were trying to avoid a pasting and show United they couldn’t roll over us. He ruined that. There was the passing thought that an early second half goal might give them the jitters. He killed the tie stone dead. And worst, he picked a time when we have the longest injury list I can remember in years, a time when Clichy, Sagna, Diaby and Rosicky are all absent from our flanks, and earned himself a pointless three match ban. In truth, the tie was gone, but his irresponsible actions reduces Wenger’s options yet further in a busy and vital period of the season.

But you can’t say we weren’t warned. His histrionics have been infuriating since he arrived on the scene, and while there was no diving yesterday, that was probably because he wasn’t even in the game until he forced himself out of it. At Liverpool last season he was a disgrace, he alternates between putting in dangerous tackles and making out that the innocuous tackles of others are far worse than they are. It is a miracle it has taken him into his fourth season here to get his marching orders.

But let’s assess him overall - he can be skilful and clever, but most of the squad can be described that way, and at the end of the day he is now a midfielder who offers absolutely no goal threat. His best asset is his crossing, but even that has been woeful this season. Add to that less than spectacular CV his disgraceful attitude, and I simply cannot believe that he doesn’t make some of his more professional teammates want to throttle him.

Back to the game, and Fletcher’s second goal in the second half gave the final score a more realistic look. It was every bit the hammering that the scoreline suggests, with us not managing to make van der Sar make a save in the entire match.

It is hard to take positives, even though the FA Cup was clearly down the list of priorities. A defeat was almost expected with the squad so patched together, but no-one expected this. Alan Hansen was, for once, right at half time - it really did look like there was only team who cared about the result.

Injuries or no injuries, low priority or not, that simply isn’t acceptable. Mistakes are forgivable. A lack of effort isn’t.

At Spurs, we were humiliated, but bounced back with a sequence of wins that has seen the team achieve a five point lead at the top of the league. The best, and only answer to this performance is to bounce back again.

Give it your all against Milan, boys. And Wenger, please don’t play that idiot on the right flank.

Transfer talk never stops in the papers, where journalists seem to pick a random name from one basket and a random club from another, making a headline with a fanciful price tag to boot. But over the last couple of days it has gone past amusing to just plain ridiculous.

Yesterday Arsenal ‘were linked’ (which is paper talk for any transfer story that doesn’t involve quotes, facts or any basis in reality) with Egyptian keeper Essam El Hadary. While the African Cup of Nations showed us that he’s quite a talent, he is also 36 years old, roughly twice the age of Wenger’s typical signings. To make matters more insane, the Mail actually claim that Arsenal ‘will be offering 15m’.

All this led to the quote of the day, from his club director Adil Al-Qaeyi, who said:

“If such a bid is tabled, we will surely consider it.”

I bet you would. 15m for a 36 year old? What have these ‘journalists’ been smoking?

I thought it was a one off. But today, the Mail (yes, them again) claimed that we’ll be signing Lilliam Thuram in the summer, purely because he and Arsene Wenger have a good relationship. How old is Thuram? You’ve guessed it, 36.

The way I see it, journalists have a few options. They can:

a) Try to be factual, and write for the Guardian

b) Talk complete nonsense, and work for the Sun or the Mirror

c) Talk complete nonsense, but pretend to be respectable by working for the Telegraph, or

d) Shout about Johnny Foreigner and work for the Mail.

But I actually thought those who made up the ridiculous transfer rumours involving ‘a friend’ or ’a source close to the club’ considered that they’ve have to be at least partly realistic, so that the dumbest of fans would be taken in. I don’t even think a six year old would believe this tripe.

In other news, Barcelona want Wenger. Yeah, well, I want a big house in Barbados. We can all dream.

Finally, Cesc is negotiating a new contract. In more shoddy reporting, most media outlets are claiming that he will be extending his stay, even though the quotes just suggest he’s getting a pay rise.

Honestly, how do journalists get away with being so appalling?