The Beautiful Groan

It has been a good 24 hours to be an Arsenal fan. First Carlos Vela appears to be being genuinely kind to his countryman Giovani dos Santos, wishing him well in his time at Spurs, and then out of nowhere he comes out with this gem:

“He is a very good player and let’s hope he can then move on to a better team.”

Superb stuff - yet to make his debut and we already love the guy.

Next, Aaron Ramsey confirmed that he has chosen Arsenal ahead of United and Everton, after Wenger flew him out on a private jet to Switzerland. Like with the Nordtveit signing from last summer, it really seems like Wenger has that certain something that makes these players decide that putting their future in his hands is the best approach. Long may it continue. Ramsey, for his part, had this to say:

“It is an honour to be wanted by massive clubs like Arsenal, Manchester United and Everton. In the end I had to make the decision I felt was right for my future.”

Very encouraging to know that Wenger still inspires that belief in some of the world’s best young talents. At 5m, he isn’t cheap, and you can expect Sepp Blatter to scream from the rooftops about a lack of English players, Ramsey being conveniently Welsh.

With Nasri still set to arrive after the Euros, that brings to the total of new midfielders to three, including Vela’s return from Spain. They may all be young, but with the collection of young talent now so deep, the future is in wonderful hands.

And it is still only mid June. Chelsea haven’t even got a manager yet.

Ah, the media are really going to struggle for the next month. If England had actually qualified for Euro 2008 rather than play like a bunch of uncoordinated fools, all the stories would be around niggling injuries, dangerous opponents, and just how clear it was that this was THE year.

Instead, a few columns are dedicated to those who actually made it, leaving pages available to the complete rubbish that we’re reading on a daily basis.

Just to be clear, very little transfer activity happens during a major tournament. Those not playing are available, while those that are generally answer with ‘I’ll sort it out after the tournament’. Already that line has been spun into all sorts of stories, from ‘I’ll sign a new contract’, or ‘I’m leaving’, on the whim of the writer.

So all that remains is to dismiss about the transfer rumours of those not involved (Adebayor), talk about the ongoing boredom of Hleb leaving, and….no, that’s dull. That would involve me recycling non-stories all summer, and we can leave the paid press to that. When something interesting happens, I’ll talk about it.

In the meantime, the real interest is the Euros themselves, but so far they’ve been a little flat. Germany and Portugal both looked decent, and my pre-tournament bet that Podolski would end up top scorer is now looking a little tasty, but you sense that the real action starts tonight, in the Holland-Italy-France-Romania group.

Arsenal interest has also been thin so far, Senderos playing well in Switzerland’s unfortunate loss to the Czechs, while Croatia laboured to victory over the other hosts, Austria, without Eduardo, who Bilic claims could be back in training in a matter of weeks. If that is true, it really is fantastic news, but to be honest, if he’s back by Christmas that’s good given how bad the injury.

And that’s about it. Van Persie’s out of tonight’s game with Italy, and for amusement sake I’d like to see Romania beat France. Come on, you know it’d raise a chuckle with you too.

Winner: Germany

Twelve years since their last tournament victory, the Germans consider themselves overdue, and their status as favourites is well earned. They’ve got a powerful midfield, a decent defence, and a dangerous strike partnership in Klose and Podolski. They’ve got the simplest of groups, and should cruise through as winners, and play the Czechs or the Swiss in the quarter finals.

Dark Horse: Switzerland

Many are suggesting that Austria and Switzerland are the worst host nations ever to hold a major tournament, but then they said the same about the South Korean side that reached the semis of the World Cup six years ago. For me, Austria are dreadful, but Switzerland are underrated. With a decent defence, Barnetta running the midfield and Frei leading the line, they can surprise a few in front of their own support. I’d be surprised to see them go out early.

Top Scorer: Podolski, Germany

Germany have a habit of scoring plenty in group stages and bullying the smaller teams - witness their 8-0 demolition of Saudi Arabia six years ago. They’re in a weak group, and Podolski showed throughout the qualifying campaign that he knows where the back of the net is.

Early Leavers: France

In a group of death with Holland and Italy, one of the three has to go, and despite widespread predictions of that team being Holland, I could see France having another short lived campaign, much like the two they had prior to the 2006 World Cup. A loss to the Dutch, and a draw against Italy unable to save them perhaps.

What are your predictions?

The final part of the review of the predictions made back in August sees me look at those sides I placed in positions 5-1.

Groan’s Premiership Predictions (5-1)

5. Man City (Finished 9th)

I was so confident City would do well, with Sven, a proven club manager, an expensively assembled team, andgreat support, that I bet on them to win the Premiership handicap, while putting both Elano and Petrov in my fantasy side. Until November, those decisions looked fantastic, with a chance that City could even challenge Liverpool for fourth. Since then, they were abysmal, the 8-1 defeat to Boro on the final day summing them up. Truly a season of two halves.

4. Liverpool (Finished 4th)

I didn’t give any credence to Liverpool being better than any of the other ‘Big Four’ nor to the notion that Spurs or anyone could challenge for their spot. Right on both counts. I was wrong about Torres though, who shone brighter than probably anyone predicted.

3. Arsenal (Finished 3rd)

In pre-season, I figured we were better than Liverpool, but not ready for a title challenge. As it turned out, only a bad blip towards the endof the season denied what would’ve been a fantastic underdog story the season after being comprehensively written off. Although I got the position right, in truth I underestimated the team as did so many others, even quoting ‘no-one will score 25 goals this season’. Sorry Ade, but nice one.

2. Man Utd (Finished 1st)

Last summer, United had just become champions but it seemed like so much had gone their way - few injuries compared to their rivals, and a sense that the title was just destined for them. Strip that away, and they’d lose out to Chelsea, I thought. I was wrong. After a slow start to the season they became like the mechanical United of old, managing to win games no matter how badly they were playing. And with Ronaldo smashing records by hitting the forty goal mark, they had the individuality they needed to break down the most stubborn of defences. Worthy champions.

1. Chelsea (Finished 2nd)

Chelsea lost the title in the first couple of months, with Mourinho sacked as they sat sixth in the league. Grant actually did a decent job after that, but a couple of costly games (not least the League Cup final), saw him fired too. I said that I hoped they would win nothing, and that’s exactly how it turned out.

Previous reviews:

Groan’s Premiership Predictions in review: 20-16
Groan’s Premiership Predictions in review: 15-11
Groan’s Premiership Predictions in review: 10-6

Part III of the review of the predictions made back in August, here are those sides I placed in positions 10-6.

Groan’s Premiership Predictions (10-6)

10. Portsmouth (Finished 8th)

I predicted Portsmouth to do well, and got it right - hurrah! Unfortunately, my reasoning was that David Nugent would shine. Ah well. A great season for Pompey, completed by the FA Cup triumph, and they’ll be an interesting prospect in the UEFA Cup next season.

9. Aston Villa (Finished 6th)

Another side that outperformed my predictions, Villa challenged hard for a European spot, but were eventually undone by the two cup winners - usually sixth place gets you into Europe but not with Spurs and Pompey taking the cup glory. Villa could be even stronger next season - O’Neill is one of the best around.

8. Newcastle (Finished 12th)

At the start of the season, I figured Newcastle would become a boring, hacking but successful team under Allardyce. By May, they were an unsuccessful but highly entertaining side under Keegan. Yeah, I get it badly wrong sometimes.

7. West Ham (Finished 10th)

Relegation was never going to be a threat anymore, but after their strong finish to the previous campaign, a European challenge seemed likely. In the end, their season petered out into nothingness.

6. Tottenham (Finished 11th)

Ha ha. Ah ha ha. Muhahahahahaha. Ah hahahahahahaha. I think that about says it all. Top four? Don’t make me choke.

Previous reviews:

Groan’s Premiership Predictions in review: 20-16
Groan’s Premiership Predictions in review: 15-11

In another day of slow news, there are some spectacularly bad stories floating around, that are so obviously based in cloud cuckoo land that you wonder how they ever got published.

The first links Adebayor to Milan, in which the big man is ‘valued at 32m’ by Arsenal. I love the way the media need to attach a fee to everything, despite the fact that when a club decides not to sell, they never mention nor even consider what price they would sell for. But without a potential fee, how would they draw in the gullible with headlines like ‘Arsenal to sell star for 32m, shocker!!!’?

Complete garbage.

Note: The Telegraph have now picked up on this ’story’, and embellished yet further, claiming that it is a done deal between player and club. Yeah right.

But happily, the ridiculous rumours do not only fly around the Emirates this summer. With Mourinho now installed as Inter coach, Chelsea are suffering with their players consistently linked there, while United fans must get sick of the sight of a new Ronaldo story every day.

The classic comes today in the Telegraph, who are sinking without a trace as a reputable newspaper, with their claim that Ronaldo will join Real, with his new club paying 300k a week, after tax. Nice, if you can get it.

Shame though that it’s entirely fabricated. All of these stories seem to resolve around the notion that Ronaldo hasn’t committed himself to United yet this summer. Which is an odd basis for a transfer rumour, especially given that he has - I distinctly remember an interview after the Champions League final where he categorically stated he’d be staying. He hasn’t said anything to the contrary since.

Years ago, the Telegraph actually used to be a decent paper. Now it spouts more sensationalist garbage than any tabloid.

At last there’s some news! For the past few days I’ve been meaning to write something, but with nothing more constructive to say than ‘Nasri isn’t her yet’, or ‘Hleb hasn’t gone yet’, it seemed a little pointless. Even my Euro 2008 preview can wait until the end of the week.

So it comes with great relief that there is finally some Arsenal transfer news, even if it is the wrong way, with Lehmann making the understandable switch back home to Germany, signing for Stuttgart. And good luck to him - for all his ramblings over the past year, he’s been a superb keeper for us since arriving to become part of the Invincibles in his first season. Even when out of the team he was sharp enough to perform when called upon. Thanks Jens.

The feelgood factor continues with Bacary Sagna signing a new deal after only twelve months at the club, a clear sign of how highly rated he is after a fantastic debut season. It is often forgotten in the clamour for big name signings that what we actually need is more Sagnas.

Elsewhere, Freddie Ljungberg’s come in for a bit of stick recently for comments that were attributed to him by a Russian newspaper, and then bandied around all the tabloids, in which ‘he claimed’ that Wenger was a nightmare to work with and jettisoned him as soon as he was injured. They seemed very un-Ljungberg like comments, and the man himself has now refuted them:

“I haven’t done an interview with this Russian newspaper and none of the quotes have any substance, I certainly didn’t make those comments.”

Which is good, because the alleged comments were bitter, twisted and extremely stupid. We all know journalists are like that anyway, so I guess it’s no surprise one of them invented the story.

I have to say, I’m sick of the following headline:

Arsenal close in on Nasri deal

I’ve seen it, or variations on it, about ten times now, in various papers who need to fill a few column inches. You can see the logic - we all know it’ll happen, and in the absence of any real news, this is all they can come up with.

Folks, have patience. Sometimes there just is no news.

Another story that refuses to be resolved is that of Hleb’s future. It is pretty clear that he will be leaving, and the time for him to announce his intention to invoke the Webster clause ended on Monday, so it does seem we’ll get a fee for him, probably around the 10m he cost in the first place. Good business as far as I’m concerned. Hleb himself has been trying to get people on his side recently, but his words are utterly transparent - it is all very well professing your love for a club and the manager, but if you aren’t going to say you’ll stay, then those words mean absolutely nothing.

Finally, the relentlessly idiotic Sepp Blatter is celebrating his ‘victory’ this morning, as Fifa voted to push ahead with his six-plus-five rule. The EU’s take on it is this:

“The intentions announced by FIFA to impose the so-called ‘6-plus-5 rule’, [are] directly discriminatory and therefore incompatible with the EU law”

Seriously Blatter, give up on this one.

Euro 2008 is coming up, and predictably, with England not in it, the spotlight has once again come down on the perceived lack of English players in the Premiership. In an article which shows just how statistics can be warped, the BBC claims a ‘dramatic slide’ in those available to Capello.

They begin the article with a graph, showing how the number of English starters has changed over the last eight years. Here it is:

Looks pretty dramatic, doesn’t it? Except when you look closely, you’ll notice that there only appears to be a big drop because of the scale used, with the number of players only ranging from 160 to 208 on the axis. I distinctly remember being taught at school that graphs should not be exaggerated in this way.

But let’s look at the numbers. Five years ago, the number of English starters was 179. This season, 170. Hardly a dramatic drop, nine players in five years. In fact, this year’s drop comes off the back of four years of climbing, despite what the Daily Mail would tell you about ‘forriners taking ah jobs’.

All this completely misses the point. 170 English players is plenty, Capello needs a small fraction of those. It doesn’t matter if there used to be 500 (there never were, incidentally), it isn’t the best players that are missing out, it is those that were never good enough to get near the national side anyway. Those that remain should benefit from playing with quality rather than substandard leftovers.

For England to be successful, the top twenty or so need to be of a high quality, and performing as a team. The former is aptly demonstrated by the fact that there were ten English players in the Champions League final, and the latter is Capello’s job.

There are no excuses. If England fail, it is not the fault of the clubs, it is the fault of the players (who are good enough), and the management team. No-one else.

The story of Lassana Diarra is extremely familiar. Disillusioned at Chelsea, he joined Arsenal in August (still only nine months ago), before complaining about his lack of opportunities and moving to Portsmouth in January. Within days, he was declaring the south coast club as nothing more than a stepping stone, a wonderful way to endear yourself to the fans.

His lack of bottle is plain to see. Rather than knuckle down and fight for his place like Flamini did, earning him a big money move to Milan which it is hard to criticise him for, he is trying to justify his move to a club only playing in Europe for the first time next season.

Wenger commented on the circumstances around Diarra’s departure recently:

“I came to the conclusion that Diarra could not cope with the fact that he was behind the other players here in midfield. I bought Diarra in the summer because I thought Flamini might leave at the end of the season and if he was able to be patient, he would get his chance.”

“It turned out he wasn’t capable of that. With Euro 2008 in mind, he panicked.”

“I did explain when he joined that he might have to be patient, and he acknowledged it, but he couldn’t cope with the situation, and also did not want to go on loan anywhere either.”

You can sense the frustration in these words, knowledge that Diarra had the ability but not the attitude to succeed. And Wenger’s words mirror exactly what the rest of us think of the midfielder, with his complete lack of understanding of the competition found at top clubs.

Diarra has now responded, and quite frankly, emphasised his mental, er, deficiencies:

“Do you really think I would leave a side like Chelsea to join Arsenal if certain promises were not made? I did not panic but wanted to play as promised.”

“Portsmouth winning the FA Cup has more than justified my decision to make the move from Arsenal back in January.”

Firstly, there is absolutely no way that Wenger would’ve promised Diarra regular games. He may have promised that he’d be involved with the first team (as he did with Bendtner), and he followed through with that. Don’t forget that Diarra played thirteen games before he left, only four months after joining.

If a player has bottle, they take their absence from the team as an incentive, and strive to prove the manager wrong. Diarra does not have that kind of attitude, preferring instead to only join a club that promises him a place every week. Let’s be straight about this - at a big club no player is afforded that luxury. If you do not perform, you’re out.

And Portsmouth’s FA Cup justified the decision? Enjoy the UEFA Cup, Lassana, before your club drifts back into mid table obscurity. Of course, you’ll probably have left by then.

But a measure of Diarra’s self-importance is gathered from his dig at Wenger over Flamini’s departure:

“Perhaps to lose one French international midfielder may be regarded as misfortune. To lose two looks like carelessness.”

What a plank. He was signed precisely because Flamini was liable to leave, and had he shown patience, he would now be stepping into the breach. But the suggestion that Wenger has thrown away two top players shows an over inflated ego of a man who has achieved precisely nothing yet, and is at risk of remaining underneath that glass ceiling. What top club wants his attitude?

Idiot.